Dear Stepdaughter......

For almost a week now, I have been trying to put all my thoughts into words. You know you are very loved and wanted here. You also know I am not a phone person but a face to face person. All those phone calls about made me lose my mind. But I told you before and I'll tell you again, I will do ANYTHING for you. ANYTHING!!



There are so many things I want to tell you. You are still so young, even though you think you are a grown woman now and no one needs to tell you what to do. Honey, there are times where I STILL want my Mom around and I am 37! You need a Mother - whether it's your Grandma there or it's someone else who is a Mother figure. Appearantly you don't want me to be that person.......



Way back when your Dad and I were dating, he told me all about you and your Mom and the poor choices he made as a teenager. He cried. He had never been allowed to see you, forbidden to talk to your Mom. He told me then, before we were even a serious couple, that he wanted to find you. He wanted you all the way back then.



By the time we had married, moved and found you, circumstances had changed drastically for you. I shudder still at the horrible,unmentionable things you had undergone at such a young age. You will surely deal with many "demons" from those early years of your life. Only one person is really to blame.



This is why I am so hurt. Last week you begged me to help you. You said even if I couldn't help that you would understand. I feel like I have somehow let you down. Maybe it is just all of us being selfish. Perhaps your Dad and definately your Grandparents here just want to try to make up for the past when they weren't there. At least two of them wishes things would've went differently in 1990/91.



I kept my part of the bargain, though. I went "to bat" for you. Not only did I talk to your Grandparents here, but I also had half a dozen phone calls with the ones there. They do care about you, you know that, right? They want what's best for you. We all do.



In my opinion, your family out there wants to give you freedom and means well, but also still want you to abide by their rules. I think their rules are bogus! When your Grandpa told me what he considers "fair" for your curfew - I laughed at him. Yes, I laughed at him. He asked me why I laughed and I told him "that would never happen here. I think it is way over the top."



I've told you a little about my past before. I understand your rebellious spirit, although you are a bit more free- spirited than I ever would've attempted. It took a lot of guts to stand by your man. To say that if we wanted you we had to bring your boyfriend as well. None of us knows him. The fact that he is under 18 and would be coming without his Parent's knowledge was a really bad idea for us all!!



Please don't misunderstand, I am very proud of your decision to move back home with your Grandparents instead of living in your boyfriend's truck on the streets of Bakersfield. What I don't understand is why you won't let us help you. We are offering you a plane ticket, a home with people who love you, a possible job already, a vehicle at your disposal. I would venture to say we can easily add a line to our cell phone plan so you can have a phone again. You can start over, where nobody knows your name. You have no reputation to uphold. Your life is like a blank canvas, a clean slate; the world is yours for the taking and we want to see you soar!



Instead, you say that you and your boyfriend will be starting jobs today. Your plan is to save about $1,000 and that they two of you will still be coming out here. The only thing is that you do not plan to live with us or even stay with us temporarily. You will acutally move all the way here and choose to stay with someone else. You didn't tell your Dad who it was, just that you will be about a half hour away.



Naturally my mind wanders to her. Your Dad said it is probably your Uncle. He says they are hippy types and it makes sense to him because you would be able to live there without rules. I get that, but I still don't think that's what it is. I think it's her because you totally want to piss off your Grandpa. He "saved" you from the clutches of your past. Adopted you and took you away from it all, moving you hundreds of thousands of miles away from it all so you could blossom and become a beautiful young woman. What better way to get back at him?!



Well, your wrong either way. Whether it's your Uncle or your Mom, you will not be better off. You belong here with us now. Your Grandpa has all but given up on you. He says that deep down you have a good heart, that you care about some things, but that right now you aren't a very good person. Your Grandma was begging me to fly you here. She was the one who said if I could convince you go to home, they would help you pack and whatever you couldn't bring on the plane they would ship out here.



It's not that they don't ever want to see you again, honey. It's just that they feel it is time for a change, for your sake. They have given up the last ten years of their lives for you. Moved away from all they had known their whole lives. Started a new life in a new State, made new friends, got new jobs, new houses - all for you. They love you that much!!



You need to stop for a minute and look around. See the devotion and feel the love. Real love. What you have with this boy is most likely a passing thing. In the past two years that we have been in touch, there have been many boys. They pass right through your life in a matter of weeks, some staying longer than others. I guess that is "normal" for a California teenager. But your family is YOUR FAMILY. They will love you no matter what!



If you choose not to move here with us, that is fine. We will be sad but we will get over it. We still want to be a part of your life, as much as you'll let us. Please don't make any drastic decisions right now. I just want more for you. We want more for you. We don't want you to turn out like her. You are a better person than she ever thought about becoming.



Please continue to keep us updated on your life. We want to know you. We want to be a part of your life, as much as you will let us. Don't ever worry that we won't understand. And if you ever do change your mind all you need to do is call!



Love ya :)